Dreaming of black wings
by Tao Trooper
Summary: Eriol's reflection on his guardians, and the reasons he created him. [Manga canon]


When Kaho asked Eriol why he had created the two of them, he replied Cerberus and Yue would need opponents, and that would keep Yue from searching from Clow again. 

However, they were all excuses that simplified it. None of them were the truth.

He knew he had to create them from the beginning. He had inherited his past life's memories, and his ability to see the future. He would dream of black butterfly wings, aware of the meaning: sooner of later, he was destined to go through that familiar process again.

Eriol made Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun because that was his future. He was just following around; plain and simple as that.

However, he was lying to himself. He had an ulterior motive. Something he didn't want to acknowledge or to say aloud to anyone. It was common, and pathetic, and ridiculously egoistic.

He felt lonely.

Clow had built himself a family to substitute his human one. The genius magician was so quirky, he had reached a point he'd refuse to contact ordinary people, even the ones with his own blood. Even normal sorcerers and members of the Li clan found him strange. Except for a few ones in the magical circles, he avoided his own kind.

Only his creatures were his family. His nineteen children in paper, his enthusiastic Cerberus, his taciturn Yue, his mischievous Soel and Larg; they'd fill his heart with joy and make life more interesting.

And he had to leave them to die.

Those memories of happier days were haunting Eriol's mind. There was nobody for him now. The first years were particularly terrible. For instance, he used to call Cerberus for breakfast before he realized he was still asleep, and he'd never make omelettes for him again. He wondered if he was becoming senile or something.

His house in England was silent and cold. He needed that noise. He needed that warmth. He needed to fill the void in his soul before it ate him alive. He might forget what it's like to love and be loved.

Then the dreams started. Black clothes, black fur, black butterfly wings.

And he kept repeating to himself he was doing it because it was fate, _hitsuzen_, inevitable. He believed it was because he needed something to keep his old guardians away.

Decades later, he'd discover he would've ended up making them anyway, even if he never had had the visions. It was logical, after all.

But he'd be in denial, no matter how obvious it was he wished to have them. Wanting guardians was a foolish idea, he'd say: when that life was to end, he'd have to go through the same situation all over again: finding a new owned, et cetera. But sometimes, lightnings do strike twice in the same place, and he was bound to make the same mistake. In the end, though, it was going to be worth it.

When he took his decision, he knew he had to make them differently. It wasn't just the vision, as it didn't have to limit to their looks. He couldn't permit the Moon guardian acted like Yue, and the Sun guardian acted like Cerberus. As much as he missed them so much it hurt, he had to move on. Besides, that would be just filling their shoes with the same ones.

Another dependent and overprotective Moon guardian would be troublesome, also.

The solution was simple. Polarity switching! Also, it had an experimental appealing. How would it go if a Moon guardian was yang? What about the Sun guardian being yin? It sounded interesting and fresh, after centuries of dealing with the opposite. It would also send the "I'm a different person and I want different things" message effectively, he thought.

The names had to be original. No mythology this time. No Chinese. No runes. His English had now improved, after getting used to the United Kingdom, so he thought he'd come up with something British. The week before the creation, he went to the Tower of London in order to get some muse. In the Jewel House exposition, the tour guide explained them the Black Prince's Ruby –the centerpiece of the Imperial State Crown, which has a fascinating story-, was actually a spinel and not a ruby. He remembered the flowing reddish hair in his dream.

Then he thought Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun had a nice ring to the ears.

The only truth Eriol told Kaho, when she asked, is the fact he was "fond of them". At the beginning, he feared he'd never get used to them, and he'd always compare them to Clow's ones. But in little time, they managed to win his heart. Spinel was wise and trustworthy; maybe he could tone down the cynicism. Ruby was cheerful and easily amused; she had the bad habit of wanting farfetched objects. In some ways they mirrored the master, and in others they just complemented him.

They were fine, strong guardians. His guardians; not Clow's: his.

Sometimes he wondered if he had spoiled them rotten, just as Clow spoiled his. He'd prepare delicious dishes for them. He'd get Spinel new books –although a lot of them were second-hand; the panther didn't seem to mind, and he was of the opinion old books were more interesting than brand new- every week. He'd sew dresses for Ruby, and buy her almost every whim she had seen in stores –as long as they were understandable, of course.

It was deeper than being "rather fond of them". He just couldn't imagine his life without them in it.


End file.
